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Cubs Open Camp for Hopeful Youngsters – Tell Youngsters Hope of Playing in the Big Leagues is Stupid
(Chicago, IL) – The Chicago winds are blowing, and the ivy vines are growing, and the Chicago Cubs are getting ready
to open up the 2007 campaign. Before they do, they hosted a group of local youngsters who hope one day to join them
at Wrigley, in an “Attitude and Activity” camp this week. The local children – ranging in age from 6 to 9 – participated
in hitting and fielding drills, scrimmaged with the team, and attended several “Talking Sessions” with current players.
Might the Cubs have hosted a few future teammates?
No, the Cubs say. Most certainly not.
“I’m sure it’s fun for these kids to get to play at Wrigley with their heroes, but we want them to know that they will
never make it to the big leagues,” new Cub Alfonso Soriano explained.
“I mean, there was one kid in a wheelchair for crying out loud. He’s never gonna beat out an infield single.
Seriously. We tried like 12 times.”
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Charlie Weis' Body Rejecting Gastric Bypass Surgery
(South Bend, IN) - Fresh off a historically disappointing season for his Notre Dame Fighting Irish, coach Charlie Weis
finds himself in the middle of another struggle: a re-burgeoning midsection.
Long-afflicted with the weight of a small sperm whale, Weis considered a number of options to improve his health before
resorting to bariatric, or gastric bypass surgery.
"I tried a baboon stomach, but my regular stomach just ate that, too," Weis said. "So a stomach staple was really the only
option. Diet and exercise is dangerous for a manblob like me."
But unfortunately for Weis, his body has begun to reject the gastric bypass surgery. At his weight nadir, Weis has
slimmed to a svelt 190 pounds. But Weis was recently sighted at a New Year's Eve party, bellying up to the cheese buffet
at a reported 380-pound clip.
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